Rat (
plaguedrat) wrote2015-04-20 10:14 pm
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
Entry tags:
Too much to believe, too much to deny, you fool me again to quiet my pride
He'd stubbornly avoided the city's latest mischief. Any glimmer of glass or crystal had sent him walking in the opposite direction, determined not to get involved. Didn't want to see his future, didn't trust destiny or fate or any preconceived future.
But lately it seemed as though the damn things were following him. The more he walked away, the more Rat found the glinting spheres in his other directions. Apparently, they had a message for him.
"Fuck you," he muttered, even as scooped the stone into his palm.
Grey. Grey back but his rat tattoo nowhere to be seen. Grey who lounged by Curtis, exchanging lazy kisses with the devotion he used to think he would enjoy forever. Now he had no interest, no memory of Rat. All he wanted was Curtis.
Curtis pinning Grey to the bed with his good arm, forearm across his shoulder blades, marking him up with bites. Kisses. Fucking him.
Rat, unloved, alone.
Snarling, Rat threw the crystal aside. "It's not real."
But lately it seemed as though the damn things were following him. The more he walked away, the more Rat found the glinting spheres in his other directions. Apparently, they had a message for him.
"Fuck you," he muttered, even as scooped the stone into his palm.
Grey. Grey back but his rat tattoo nowhere to be seen. Grey who lounged by Curtis, exchanging lazy kisses with the devotion he used to think he would enjoy forever. Now he had no interest, no memory of Rat. All he wanted was Curtis.
Curtis pinning Grey to the bed with his good arm, forearm across his shoulder blades, marking him up with bites. Kisses. Fucking him.
Rat, unloved, alone.
Snarling, Rat threw the crystal aside. "It's not real."
no subject
Grey had been his world but now the reality of this place confronted him. He could come back and never know Rat, could fall into someone else's arms and leave Rat behind with his wounds.
Love was pain and folly. He should have never allowed it into his heart once, much less a second or potentially third time.
no subject
He glances again at the crystal tossed off to the side; such a seemingly innocent object, yet clearly capable of causing much pain, if Rat's expression is anything to go by.
"What did you see?" He asks, quietly. He won't make the man talk if he doesn't want to, but he's not going to leave him alone.
no subject
"Go away. I should be alone." Had to be alone. Had to keep himself safe. He'd forgotten with Sion and forgotten with Grey and he was in danger of forgetting himself with Marius. Marius who would remember himself soon enough, realign himself to a destiny and a happily ever after with the daughter of Jean Valjean.
He had been so stupid.
no subject
For his own part, his stomach knots every time he so much as looks at the ball; he's heard the rumors, of course. Of stones showing people various possibilities of their fates. So far, he's been able to avoid seeing them for himself. This one, of course, seems to have cornered Rat.
"Do you want to be alone?" He asks, stilling for a moment. He wants to reach out and pull the other man in for a hug; he wants to hold him and keep the loneliness at bay. He doesn't want to cause Rat discomfort; he also wants Rat to know that he's not just going to go away. He knows full well what he feels for Rat. Perhaps, in the Paris he left behind, some version of himself is with Cosette - married to her by now, probably. But himself, now - he isn't that person, and he's not going to forget Rat anytime soon, on a whim or otherwise.
no subject
Rat laughed at him, angry and barking. "It's all such a joke, you and me. Who are we trying to fool? A gentleman, a veritable aristocrat, and who am I?" Vermin. Garbage. Someone who'd seen the worst of the world and done the worst.
"Grey would have left. Eventually."
no subject
"People," he replies, voice quiet. "We're two, lonely people who found solace in each other. I didn't think we were trying to fool anyone."
He folds his arms across his chest as he keeps his gaze on Rat. "You know that for certain?"
no subject
"And why wouldn't he? Why wouldn't he go back to a strong, scarred leader!?"
no subject
"This damn city likes to hurt us like this all the time," he says, never tearing his eyes away from Rat. "It likes to torment us with possibilities, like with these crystal balls, or it likes to remind us of our past by giving us objects from it."
"That stone showed you what it wanted you to see," he says. "That doesn't make it the truth."
no subject
"I am not made to be loved," he said finally. Rat wasn't ready to bolt anymore, nor was he willing to forget the things he'd seen. "When will you see that?"
no subject
"I'm not going to see it because I am going to show you that you deserve to be loved," Marius replies, his voice determined, yet still soft. Leaning in closer, he rests his forehead against Rat's. "No matter how long it takes."
no subject
"You barely know me," he said again. "You have no idea what I've done. You can't love me."
no subject
"But I want to know you," he tells him. "And I want you."
no subject
And suddenly he needed that moment, that weakness. Rat let his head drop, forehead and nose against Marius' but not kissing. Everything ached.
no subject
He lets out a shaky breath as Rat's forehead drops, nose brushing against his own. For a moment, he just breathes with him, letting their closeness wash over him.
"Come home with me," he offers, voice barely above a whisper. "Let me make you tea."
no subject
"I don't think tea will fix this."
no subject
"No, tea won't fix it," he says, looking directly into Rat's eyes. "But it can help, even just as a brief distraction."
no subject
"I don't know where you live," he mumbled, dropping his head to Marius' shoulder. They were close in height and it verged on awkwardness, but he didn't care.
no subject
"I live in Dimera," he tells him, bringing one hand around to pull Rat closer to him and to stroke through his hair. "I know a short cut from here; it isn't too far."
no subject
For a second, he allowed himself the luxury of closing his eyes and leaning into Marius' hand.
no subject
He moves to help the other man up, moving his arm to around his shoulder to keep him steady. If Rat wants, Marius is prepared for him to lean on him the entire journey to his apartment.
no subject
Every now and then, as he walked, the back of his hand bumped against Marius'.
no subject
He takes him down a narrow side street, much how they used to build roads in Paris. It's filled with shadows and garbage, and, truth be told, it's one of Marius' favorite routes for how much it reminds him of home.
He glances down when Rat's hand bumps against his; he doesn't even think when he reaches out, taking Rat's hand in his.
no subject
"Trying to remind me of home?" he asked, recovering some of his sarcasm as he gestured around him. "It's missing a few prostitutes and dead animals, but it'll do."
It wasn't very funny.
no subject
"Actually," he mentions, relieved to hear the familiarity of Rat's sarcasm. "I was thinking of mine. Only without the parade of gamins."
Not funny, perhaps, but true enough.
no subject
Quietly, he swung their hands a little between them. He'd forgotten how that warmth could feel.
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)